The Gift that Keeps On Giving
by mindmelda
Summary: Two 17 year old boys in a lingerie shop. Silliness ensues.


Title: The Gift that Keeps on Giving  
  
Author: Gina Lin Series: Gundam Wing Genre: Humor Warnings: Language Pairings: Duo/Wufei (friendship) Rating: PG Archived: S_E Updates, Shades and Echoes, Without Wings and FF.net  
  
Summary: Two seventeen-year-old boys in a lingerie shop. Need I say more?  
  
The Gift that Keeps on Giving  
  
"I can't believe you talked me into this." Wufei looked into the shop window at aloof mannequins wearing the briefest of undergarments and shook his head.  
  
"She'll love it!" Duo gave his friend a little shove in the direction of the door.  
  
"You got the sizes, right?" Duo peered over his friend's shoulder.  
  
"Yes, I have them. Are you going to get something for Hilde while we're here?"  
  
"Now there's a thought. If I buy her something and its not even her birthday, I would be in her good graces for at least 3 months. I had no idea you were so devious." Duo gave his friend an admiring look.  
  
"Do not make me party to your twisted schemes, Maxwell."  
  
Wufei followed Duo through the doors of the shop. It was a haze of sensuous colors, lace, silk, satin, nylon and spandex. He had an overwhelming desire to run until he saw..khaki.  
  
"Isn't that what you're doing?" Duo gave Wufei an elbow to the ribs. "Getting in good with the boss-lady?"  
  
"NO!" Wufei turned narrowed nearly black eyes upon the round, blue ones of Duo Maxwell. "I'm buying Sally a nice present for her birthday."  
  
"Yeah, right, sure. And look! There's a pig flying out of my ass!" Duo snickered and slapped Wufei on the back. Wufei flinched at Duo's voice in his ear.  
  
"Come on, old buddy, into the breach together!"  
  
Several young women looking at lace bras turned to look at the two young men and began to giggle. Wufei breathed deeply and put on a neutral face.  
  
"I was a Gundam Pilot, I can handle this." He muttered to himself.  
  
"Oh, look Wufei, red!" Duo strode over to a display of short satin gowns and began to run the silky fabric through his fingers.  
  
"Maxwell, get your paws off of those things!" Wufei whispered and hurried over to try to slap Duo's hands.  
  
"Oooh, feel it, it's nice!" Duo evaded Wufei and rubbed the smooth fabric across his cheek.  
  
"Duo, you're making spectacle of yourself!" hissed Wufei. Duo grinned and held up the bottom of the fabric, offering it to Wufei, who looked away. Two girls in the corner looking at thongs giggled.  
  
"Oh relax, Wufei, I'm browsing," Duo waved a dismissive hand.  
  
"Can I help you gentlemen?" a voice asked behind them.  
  
Duo looked up. A severe looking skinny brunette with her hair in a tight French twist looked over a pair of half glasses at the two young men.  
  
"I dunno, lady, we're here to buy a present for his girlfriend," Duo indicated Wufei with a jerk of his thumb.  
  
"She's just a good friend," protested Wufei. "She likes red." He explained, glancing at Duo who still had his hand clenched around red satin.  
  
"I see," said the woman, whose nametag said "Sales" on it.  
  
"Could I ask you to please refrain from touching the merchandise?" she said in an austere tone.  
  
"After all, we don't know where those hands have been." She gave Duo a "look" as she said this. Duo suddenly remembered what it was like to be a dirty orphan of 8 years old again, and he felt his hackles rise.  
  
Duo surveyed his hands. "Hey, I washed!" He thrust his chin out belligerently. "I bet my hands are cleaner than yours!"  
  
The woman's ears and the tip of her nose visibly reddened. "I'm sure you did, young man. Is there something in particular you and your friend were looking for."  
  
Wufei stepped in front of Duo, who was looking more irritated by the second.  
  
"Yes, ma'am, I'm looking for a gift. I have the sizes here." He presented a slip of paper. "Maybe you can suggest something suitable for a birthday present?"  
  
She took the slip of paper and peered at it through her glasses.  
  
"This is a very thorough list, young man." She raised an inquiring eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah, we snuck into her house while she was gone and he looked at her underwear." Duo stated this proudly.  
  
Joan's eyebrows made a sudden jump towards her hairline and her mouth formed a perfect "O" for a moment.  
  
"How..enterprising of you," she said in a voice laced with dry disapproval.  
  
"Well, we couldn't ask her, then it wouldn't be a surprise," Duo stated reasonably.  
  
"Now, is this friend conservative or would she like something more, risque, say." asked the salesclerk, walking over to a rack of something black and lacy.  
  
"Risque, definitely," said Duo at the same time Wufei said, "She's very sensible."  
  
They looked at each other. "What?" Duo finally asked.  
  
"Sally is a very sensible woman," insisted Wufei. He looked askance and Duo and shook his head.  
  
"She's a good-lookin woman, dude!" Duo put his hands on his hips. "You give her some old granny panties and she's gonna be insulted."  
  
"I don't want to buy her a gift that will give her the wrong idea." Wufei shook his head and folded his arms.  
  
"What wrong idea is that?" The saleswoman checked her watch as if to hurry things up, Duo noticed.  
  
"That I disrespect her! And what makes you such an authority on women anyway?"  
  
"Well, I've seen one naked, for one thing. I bet you haven't."  
  
The salesclerk began to inch away.  
  
"I'll have you know I have!" Wufei hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
"When, in your dreams?"  
  
"I don't care to discuss it at the moment." Wufei nudged Duo with a sharp elbow and indicated the salesclerk, who had stepped discreetly away a few paces.  
  
"Virgin!" snickered Duo, dancing away just in case.  
  
"Bite me!" Wufei hissed at him, his irritation overcoming reserve.  
  
"Ooh, kinky!" Duo ducked behind a rack of transparent black nylon frippery.  
  
"While we're here, we can buy YOU something." Duo taunted, and the two blondes looking at thongs looked at them open-mouthed for a second, and then began to converse in low tones.  
  
"Do you ever have any thoughts that originate above the waist?" Wufei walked around the rack as Duo circled it, keeping it between the two of them.  
  
"No, as in, I'm normal." Duo replied.  
  
"So am I." Wufei finally faked Duo out and grabbed him in an unbreakable hold by one wrist.  
  
"Come on, I want to get this embarrassment over with and get out of here, today if possible!" Wufei whispered to him in a hard voice.  
  
"Did I ever tell you that going shopping with you is no fun?" Duo tried a pleading look, but Wufei held his wrist tightly.  
  
"Excuse me," a feminine voice said behind him. "I really think you should be nicer to your boyfriend."  
  
Wufei and Duo spun around as a unit. "I beg your pardon?" Wufei asked in a weak tone.  
  
Two young blond women were giving him a hard look. "I said, I really think you should be nicer to your boyfriend." The taller woman looked sympathetically at Duo. "You know, you don't have to be a victim, honey."  
  
Duo immediately assumed a downtrodden expression. "He hits me too," he said pathetically. "Wanna see the bruises?"  
  
"MAXWELL!" yelled Wufei in an outraged tone, dropping his wrist like a hot potato. "Are you insane?"  
  
"See, he calls me names too!" Duo tried to work up a tear, but the only thing he could think of was pulling a nose hair, which he couldn't manage it at the moment. He pinched the inside of his arm instead.  
  
The tall blond glared at Wufei. "You should be ashamed of yourself, you, you, brute!" she said indignantly.  
  
"He's joking!" Wufei protested, "He's always doing these kind of things to me!" He glared at Duo, who had shrouded himself with an impenetrable air of wounded innocence.  
  
"That's right, blame the victim!" said the other young woman, who glared at Wufei from bright blue eyes surrounded by heavy eyeliner. She angrily flipped back sun-streaked long hair.  
  
"Tell these young ladies we are NOT lovers!" Wufei demanded, his dark eyes boring a hole through Duo's forehead.  
  
"I thought we were over this little denial thing, poopsie-pie." Duo shook his head sadly. "He's just come out, poor thing."  
  
The two girls nodded sagely. "I still say he should be nicer to you." The taller blond demanded.  
  
"I probably deserve better," Duo sighed dramatically. "But he's just so hot in the sack!" He sighed dreamily.  
  
Wufei mentally prayed to whatever deity would listen to become invisible and bit the inside of his lip.  
  
The two girls flushed and began to giggle as well. "You are kind of cute together." Eyeliner admitted.  
  
"You be nice to him, he's a keeper!" admonished the tall girl, shaking her finger at Wufei. She looked at Duo. "If he lays a hand on you, you call the police!"  
  
"On my poopsie-pie?" asked Duo, simpering. "I could never do that!"  
  
"Here's my name and phone number," said Eyeliner, handing him a scrap of paper, "If he gets too rough, call me and I'll call the police!"  
  
"How sweet!" Duo took the paper and stuck it in his pants pocket. "What's your name, baby?" he asked the taller girl.  
  
She smiled and giggled, "It's Charlene, you can call me too." She held out a scrap of paper.  
  
"Thanks Charlene, and um, Amber, thanks a lot." Duo sniffed. "You've restored my faith in human kindness."  
  
They smiled at him. "Ladies, I have a little problem here I think you might be able to help me with," said Duo.  
  
"Anything!" Amber gushed, bobbing her head eagerly. Wufei curled his lip but remained silent. Could it be the cunning Duo Maxwell had found a solution to their gift buying woes?  
  
"Well, Wufei and I need to buy a present for a pretty blond lady friend of ours, and seeing as how you two are a couple of pretty blond ladies, I was wondering if you could, you know, help us out?"  
  
Duo looked engagingly out from under his chestnut fringe and gave them the full intensity of his large blue eyes.  
  
"Ooh, of course!" Charlene grinned at him. "What size does she wear?"  
  
"Oh, crap, Cruella DeVille over there has it!" Duo said, looking over at the sales clerk. "Wufei, go get the paper with the sizes on it."  
  
"Me?" Wufei finally spoke.  
  
"Yeah, Charlene and Amber here need the sizes. They're gonna be our shoppers."  
  
They smiled importantly at their new "title".  
  
"It's the least you could do after being so mean to.um, what's your name?" Amber asked coyly.  
  
"Duo," said Duo. He winked.  
  
"Duo," repeated Amber. "Now go over there and get the sizes, and we'll forgive you." This was directed to Wufei in a stern tone.  
  
"Very well." Wufei shrugged and went over to the sales clerk.  
  
"Excuse me, Ma'am." he said, clearing his throat. "Could I please have that slip of paper with the sizes on it?"  
  
The clerk looked at him over her glasses. "Young man, this subterfuge is unnecessary. You would not be the first man to come in here to buy something for himself. Please, just use the dressing rooms. I'm sure you'll find your size."  
  
Wufei froze. "I'm here to buy something for my friend Sally's birthday!" he finally choked out. "Could I please have the paper?"  
  
"Well, whatever." The clerk shrugged her brows in disbelief and handed him the paper. "Just be discreet and lock the dressing room door."  
  
"I shall NOT be trying anything on!" he said firmly.  
  
"No returns after 3 days, I suggest you try on."  
  
Wufei sighed in defeat. "I'll keep that in mind." He said finally, and turned to walk back over to where Duo was standing with the two girls.  
  
"The sizes." he stated dully, placing the paper into Charlene's open hand.  
  
"She likes red and black," said Wufei helpfully. "Well, that was what was in the drawer." He added, flushing a bit.  
  
"Is she your sister?" asked Amber, walking over to a rack of red cotton teddies.  
  
"Um, no, kind of our boss," said Duo.  
  
"Oh, you both work together?" asked Charlene. "Is that were you met?" She was looking at a set of black lace somethings.  
  
"Oh, we've known each other a long time." Duo said airily.  
  
"Not love at first sight, huh?" asked Amber. She pulled out one of the teddies and looked carefully at the trim.  
  
"It's better to be friends first." Charlene said in a definite tone. "Everyone says that." She held up a black sheer nightgown with a red ribbon trim.  
  
"All the cute guys are either gay or taken," Amber sighed.  
  
"So I've heard," Duo affirmed. He gave Amber a sympathetic look.  
  
"You don't talk much," Charlene said to Wufei.  
  
"I let Duo take care of that aspect of our 'relationship'." Wufei said with an edge to his voice.  
  
"Communication is very important." Charlene looked at him over black acetate.  
  
"I'll try to remember that." Wufei replied politely. He began to look through a rack of garments behind him.  
  
"Well at least you have good manners." She sniffed.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"So, ladies, what did we find?" Duo came over with a red, fake fur trimmed satin nightgown.  
  
Charlene presented the black acetate with red ribbon trim.  
  
Amber, the red teddy edged with lace.  
  
"I like this."  
  
Wufei held up a red, sleeveless Asian inspired gown with a high neck, and a slanted, frogged opening. A matching kimono style robe had a black and gold dragon embroidered on the back.  
  
"Wufei, that's perfect!" Duo enthused. He sat down the fur-trimmed number.  
  
"Very pretty," agreed Charlene.  
  
"Classy!" said Amber.  
  
"I think we have a winner!" Duo grinned.  
  
He turned. "Ladies, thanks for your help."  
  
"We had fun." Charlene smiled at him and Amber nodded.  
  
"Anytime you need help shopping, just call! Charly, my mom is picking us up in 5 minutes!" Amber yelled, looking at her watch. "We gotta hurry girl!"  
  
"Later!" yelled Charlene as Amber dragged her out of the shop.  
  
Wufei looked at him with narrowed eyes after they left. "Maxwell, you have a lot to answer for."  
  
"You had fun, didn't you?"  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"You weren't bored, now, admit it."  
  
"No, I was not bored. I was humiliated, misrepresented and chastised for something I did not do, but I was not bored."  
  
"Misrepresented?" Duo gave him an inquiring look.  
  
"We are not lovers." Wufei folded the gown and robe neatly over his arm and went to the counter.  
  
"No, but you have to admit, we do look cute together."  
  
The End 


End file.
